In the Gospel of Luke, the Virgin Mary is a hidden person of the heart – one who knows what to carry. Like Mary, in our work with older adults, we carry a lot in our hearts. We connect with residents, hearing their stories and witnessing the changes that come. They make us laugh, challenging and inspiring us in turns. And we are there to support them as they navigate thresholds, including illness and end of life.
But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. —Luke 2:19, NIV
Our presence in these moments is a profound gift, and it can take a toll. Over the past decade as a hospice chaplain, I have developed strategies for staying resilient. Here are some ideas:
- Take a pause. Just after my dad died at The Deerfield, a nurse entered the room, placed her hand on her heart and stood there quietly, her face full of love. We understood how deeply she cared, and this meant everything. Before you enter a room where a resident has died, pause to pray and reflect. You are entering sacred space. A pause can help you meet the moment with grace.
- Let yourself feel. A soft voice, gentle touch or even tears in our own eyes can demonstrate compassion. When possible, give yourself a moment just to feel it and share with a trusted co-worker or campus pastor. This is especially important if you are experiencing grief in your personal life, as one loss will likely touch others.
- Release and cherish. Sometimes there may be experiences we need to release – something that did not go how we had hoped or frustrations encountered along the way. It can be helpful to let go of anything that weighs you down and consider what you would like to keep. Residents can be great teachers to us, preparing us for our own thresholds, changing us and giving us much to “treasure up” in our hearts.
Optage Hospice Chaplain Jenny Schroedel facilitates grief groups across Presbyterian Homes & Services and in the greater community. She lived in Hawaii for a decade, before returning home to Minnesota. In Hawaii she worked as Director of Bereavement Services and helped found Hospice of Kona’s Maluihi Grief Center. Jenny is also an author, most recently of Naming The Child: Hope-filled Reflections on Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death.
The Light for the Way series provides staff with an examination of a biblical reading to deepen our focus on scripture. Thank you for engaging with this series as we seek wisdom through prayer and reflection as a Christian Ministry.
